Moody Tuesday
I am listening to Moody Monday by Damien Rice but, it is a Tuesday. I'm not doing very well, thank you.
The troubles of not sleeping I thought I left behind are resurfacing. The feelings of inadequacy and not-meant-to-be is popping up again. But, my heart is merely being honest with myself. Recall: Mind prompting with Mr Vas. Look up and left is the past. Look up and right is pictures of future. Look down is emotion speaking. I was having a conversation with myself in the bathroom. And, it occured to me that I was looking down. Does this really mean this is what my heart is really saying?
I should start being a man. Less sensitive. Less caring. Stand up for myself. Yet, it's just not in my nature. I want to be liked. I want to be friends with everyone. That means making others happy. I can't be happy because I put others ahead, can i? I've tried but it doesn't work. Teach me.
Trying to make Love work. It is so difficult. Especially when it feels we are on different frequencies. I fell in love with a facade. Is this love a facade? This is not a direct attack. It's just a moment's ponder. Can I be the same guy that I felt was quite endearing? I am not endearing. That is for sure. No longer. Just inadequate. Just different. Different goals. Different Wants. Different. But, I am hypocritical. I say that we do not have to be alike to be in love. Am I naive? I surely hope not. I'm still young. I'm learning. Another moment's ponder. When do I know when I have truly understood?
It would seem it is not possible to have expectations. We don't work well under the burden of expectations. I should not have any. Of you. Love must prevail. It's just so difficult to pour without a cup. I just end up making a mess. I don't want mess. It must remain orderly and calm at times like these. We need it. Why must it be so difficult? What is not difficult? I cannot do it. I can do it. Conflicting interests. Variety of interests. I am a hypocrite. You do not know what you want. I do not know what I want. Of this. I know what I want everywhere else, but here....
Take this with a pinch of salt. The lack of sleep is murderous. It gnaws at my strength unrelentingly. It makes me dull and emo. Take it with a pinch of salt. This is not targetting at anyone. This is not a criticism. This is Growth. My growth depends on an outcry. This is the War cry. No, this is just Cry. This is for me, not for you.
Thank you.
I think French is a beautiful language.
The troubles of not sleeping I thought I left behind are resurfacing. The feelings of inadequacy and not-meant-to-be is popping up again. But, my heart is merely being honest with myself. Recall: Mind prompting with Mr Vas. Look up and left is the past. Look up and right is pictures of future. Look down is emotion speaking. I was having a conversation with myself in the bathroom. And, it occured to me that I was looking down. Does this really mean this is what my heart is really saying?
I should start being a man. Less sensitive. Less caring. Stand up for myself. Yet, it's just not in my nature. I want to be liked. I want to be friends with everyone. That means making others happy. I can't be happy because I put others ahead, can i? I've tried but it doesn't work. Teach me.
Trying to make Love work. It is so difficult. Especially when it feels we are on different frequencies. I fell in love with a facade. Is this love a facade? This is not a direct attack. It's just a moment's ponder. Can I be the same guy that I felt was quite endearing? I am not endearing. That is for sure. No longer. Just inadequate. Just different. Different goals. Different Wants. Different. But, I am hypocritical. I say that we do not have to be alike to be in love. Am I naive? I surely hope not. I'm still young. I'm learning. Another moment's ponder. When do I know when I have truly understood?
It would seem it is not possible to have expectations. We don't work well under the burden of expectations. I should not have any. Of you. Love must prevail. It's just so difficult to pour without a cup. I just end up making a mess. I don't want mess. It must remain orderly and calm at times like these. We need it. Why must it be so difficult? What is not difficult? I cannot do it. I can do it. Conflicting interests. Variety of interests. I am a hypocrite. You do not know what you want. I do not know what I want. Of this. I know what I want everywhere else, but here....
Take this with a pinch of salt. The lack of sleep is murderous. It gnaws at my strength unrelentingly. It makes me dull and emo. Take it with a pinch of salt. This is not targetting at anyone. This is not a criticism. This is Growth. My growth depends on an outcry. This is the War cry. No, this is just Cry. This is for me, not for you.
Thank you.
I think French is a beautiful language.
